Drunk Irkens are Funny
by Invader Jubei
Summary: What happens when Dib tricks Zim into going to a party? Will he finally succeed in capturing him? don't hold your breath!


*A/N Um, the Little Purple Man made me write this, he stuck a gun in my mouth and said, "Write it, write it or I'll fucking spank you!!!" So um, yeah. God I'm tired. Insomnia is goooood fo you!  
  
*I don't own Zim so feek eeff!  
  
  
  
Abusive Vera, The Bitch Woman Computer Goblin  
  
...don't ask! The title has nothing to do with the story!  
  
  
  
Zim sat staring at the clock, like all the other children in Ms. Bitter's doomed class, waiting for the time that they could escape. *A/N By the by, I should mentoin that this takes place in Hi Skool, Zim and Dib are seniors, Gaz is a Junior......but i won't. And no, I don't know why Bitters is still their teacher...she stalks them* Finally the bell rang and the weekend began.  
  
Zim: Finally, I don't know how much more of that hideous stink, filthy...Skool I could take.  
  
Dib: *walking up to Zim* Hey Zim, There's going to be a big party at Keef's house tonight. You should make an appearence. *he smirked*  
  
Zim: *wondering why Dib was being so nice to him* Party? Why would I waste my time with a party?  
  
Dib: Well it IS what all normal kids are doing, but if you don't...  
  
Zim *cutting Dib off* Oh, of course I shall be there! Oh how I will party!  
  
Dib: *grinning evilly* Great, see you at ten tonight!  
  
Dib walked up to Gaz, who was playing her Game Slave.  
  
Dib: I've got him now!  
  
Gaz: How do you figure? *she paused her GS*  
  
Dib: Well, once Zim gets drunk enough, he'll be no challenge to capture! Mysterious Mysteries, here I come!  
  
Gaz: *sigh* you're an idiot.  
  
*At the party...* *A/N This format is so much easier to write!*  
  
Zim stood around and stared at all the human filthys having fun, then spotted Dib.  
  
Dib: Hey Zim, have a drink! enjoy yourself! *handing Zim a cup full of beer*  
  
Zim: *taking the cup* I don't know what your plan is, but I will find out!  
  
Zim pulled out an irken pocket analizer and checked the drink. No poison. He gulped down the beer, then made a face.  
  
Zim: *spitting beer across the room* It's gone bad!  
  
Dib: No that's how it tastes. Humans really enjoy the taste.  
  
Zim: *trying to act normal* Oh, I like it, it just uh, had a bug floating in it.  
  
He grabbed another cup and downed it, making a face.  
  
*About 10 beers later...*  
  
Zim was feeling pretty tipsy by now, but he didn't know why.  
  
Zim: I feel a little funny.  
  
He wobbled back and forth, trying not to fall.  
  
Dib: Oh that's normal. Now time for a drinking game! *he pulled a bottle of tequila from behind his back. and switched on the tv. Jerry Springer was on*  
  
Dib: Okay, we'll drink every time a fight breaks out!  
  
*Uh, we all know how that game ended*  
  
Zim had had about 10 shots of tequila by now and was drunk off his ass. He couldn't stand up anymore, he had to stay on the couch or he'd fall flat on his little irken face. But Dib was pretty drunk too, and soon forgot his plan.  
  
Gaz: *sitting down next to Zim on the couch* *She'd had a few drinks herself* Hey Zim, what's crackin'?  
  
Zim: *barely able to move, slowly turned his head toward Gaz, smiled and waved*  
  
Gaz: You are completly wasted, aren't you?  
  
Zim: Oh, no I'm not. I'm not normal, I'm perfactly drunk! *A/N I actually said that once when I was drunk*  
  
Zim leaned too far forward and fell off the couch.  
  
Gaz laughed, but realized Zim was hurt and helped him up.  
  
Zim: *sitting back on the couch* Uh, thanks! Hey can you get me a beer?  
  
Gaz: I think you've had plenty! You should go home and lay down before you pass out.  
  
Zim: *nodding* Yes, home is where I should go.  
  
He tried getting up, stood for a second, then fell flat on his face.  
  
Gaz: Okay, maybe I should take you home.  
  
She flung his arm around her neck and helped him up.  
  
They walked until they finally got to Zim's house. Gaz opened the door and Gir pounced into the doorway.  
  
Gir: Oh no, master is dead! WAAAAAHHH!!!  
  
Gaz: He's not dead, he's just very very drunk.  
  
Gir: WAAAAHHhhh....okay!  
  
Gir skipped off into the kitchen.  
  
Gaz helped Zim onto the couch and sat down next to him. He looked up at her with half-open eyes.  
  
Gaz: you gonna be okay?  
  
Zim: * in a whispery voice* I dunno, I feel really weird.  
  
Gaz: Yeah that's normal. Well, at least for humans, I have no idea what effect alcohol will have on you.  
  
Gaz looked worried.  
  
Gaz: Maybe I should stay with you, make sure you're okay and stuff.  
  
Zim nodded weakly. He pulled himself up to a sitting position and hugged Gaz.  
  
Zim: You're so great!  
  
Gaz: *confused* Um, okay, you ARE really drunk!  
  
Zim: I know! *he giggled* But you're so nice to stay with me!  
  
Zim got up, or rather he fell off the couch and crawled around, looking for the remote control. He found it and climbed back un on the couch, with Gaz's help of course. He clicked a button. Some soft rock music came over the speakers. Zim pushed another button and the lights dimmed. Gaz looked slightly scared.  
  
Gaz: Uh, Zim, what are you doing?  
  
Zim: Oh just settin' the mood. *he smirked*  
  
Gaz: Uh, Zim ,you are drunker than shit. I think it's time for bed.  
  
Zim: *looking excited* damn baby, you get right to the point, don't you?  
  
Gaz: No i mean time for YOU to go to bed and me to go HOME.  
  
Zim: I thought you were staying?  
  
Gaz: I think you'll be fine.  
  
Zim: But i want you here!  
  
Gaz: Tough cookies! *she smirked*  
  
Zim: Oh i think you'll stay.  
  
Gaz: Oh really? You do? What makes you think so?  
  
Zim reached up and put his hand around Gaz's neck and hugged her tightly.  
  
Zim: Cuz I'm your little cuddle monster!  
  
Gaz broke out into a fit of laughter!  
  
Gaz: You are soo very drunk!  
  
Zim: drunk with love!  
  
GAz: No, drunk with tequila!  
  
Zim: ...And love!  
  
Gaz: Yeah, okay.  
  
Zim: I think you'll miss me if you go!  
  
Gaz: And what exactly would I miss? *A/N she's just asking for it now, :::wink:::*  
  
Zim: Me....doing this.  
  
Zim ran his gloved hand threw her purple hair. She shivvered.  
  
Zim: Ah, you liked it didn't you?  
  
Gaz: No, it just tickled.  
  
Zim: You liked it!  
  
Gaz: No I didn't!  
  
Zim: Bull shit you didn't!  
  
Gaz: I didn't.  
  
Zim: Well maybe you'll like it when I do this.  
  
Zim: leaned in and bit her neck softly.  
  
Gaz sighed and smiled.  
  
Zim: Now I know you liked that!  
  
Gaz: No I didn't  
  
Zim: *smirking* Aww, you're just playing hard to get now!  
  
He ran his finger up and down her arm.  
  
Gaz: Shutup! You are so very drunk and I should get going.  
  
She got up and headed for the door.  
  
Zim: *grabbing her arm* No, please just stay, okay, I'll be good, I promise!  
  
Gaz: uhg, fine.  
  
She sat back down next to him on the couch.  
  
Zim: Now, where were we?  
  
Gaz: You said you'd be good!  
  
Zim: This is good, so very very good!  
  
He gently bit her neck again, this time, causing her to moan softly.  
  
Zim: *smiling* Yeah, that's what I thought.  
  
Gaz: *rolling her eyes* Oh please! Big deal, so that felt good, am I suppose to be dazzled. Or should I just throw you down and have my way with you right now. *sarcasticly*  
  
Zim: well, I think you know which one I would perfur.  
  
Gaz: Zim, you don't know what you're saying, you're wasted.  
  
Zim: No, I know essacly wha I'm sayin!  
  
Gaz: Yeah, sure.  
  
Zim: you know, we could go back and forth like this for hours, or we could get makin wit da love!  
  
Gaz: You're a complete idiot, you know that, right?  
  
Zim: Aww, you like it!  
  
Gaz: I didn't say that.  
  
Zim: But it's true.  
  
Gaz: .......  
  
Zim: uh huh, thats what i thought!  
  
Gaz: I never said that it was. you're putting words in my mouth.  
  
Zim: No, I'm putting my tougue in your mouth.  
  
He gently kissed her.  
  
Zim: See, told you.  
  
Gaz: Hey I didnt kiss you, you kissed me.  
  
Zim: But you didn't stop it.  
  
Gaz: ........  
  
Zim: C'mon baby, just admit you can't live without the Zim love!  
  
Gaz: *rolling her eyes* Oh yeah, the "Zim love" thats what I want alright.  
  
Zim: I knew it all along.  
  
Gaz: I was joking.  
  
Zim looked dissapointed.  
  
Zim: Oh  
  
Gaz: Zim, I...  
  
Zim: *sighing heavily* No it's okay. well I think I'll be okay now, so if you still want to head home, you can, if you want, i mean.  
  
Gaz: well......I guess i could stay a while longer.  
  
Zim smiled and gazed at Gaz with half open eyes.  
  
Zim: *patting the couch cusion with his hand* So come back here, I'm getting lonely all by myself.  
  
Gaz sat down next to Zim, who reached his arm around her back.  
  
Zim: So.......hi.  
  
Gaz: hi.  
  
Zim: So admit it, you like me, at least a little, right?  
  
Gaz: well......  
  
Zim: Gaz! Come on!  
  
Gaz: Okay fine! I like you a little!  
  
Zim: More than a little.  
  
Gaz: don't push your luck!  
  
Zim: So, here we are, on the couch.  
  
he leaned closer to her until he was practicly laying on her.  
  
Gaz: ....But what about Gir.  
  
Zim: Hey Gir, here's 5 bucks, go get tacos, and eat them in the park!  
  
Gir bounced into the living room.  
  
Gir: Aww, master's got a girlfriend! How cute!  
  
Gaz: I am not his girlfriend.  
  
Zim: Let's see if I can change your mind about that.  
  
He ran his finger throug her hair and brushed it away from her face. He leaned his face into hers and kissed her, slowly but firmly.  
  
She returned the kiss, then giggled.  
  
Zim: whats so funny?  
  
Gaz pointed down.  
  
Zim looked and realized what Gaz was snikering about. He turned bright red.  
  
Zim: Oh, sorry bout that.  
  
Gaz: sorry i laughed, but it was just like, "Oh hello there."  
  
Zim laughed.  
  
Zim: I can't help it, it's just what you do to me, baby.  
  
Gaz slowly slid her hand up his leg.  
  
Zim: hey now, where ya going?  
  
Gaz: what? you don't like it?  
  
Zim: Oh no, I like it alot!  
  
Gaz slid her hand into Zim's pants.  
  
Zim: Oooooh, nice!  
  
Zim reached around behind Gaz and into her shirt to undo her bra.  
  
Gaz: So I guess this means you want me to stay.  
  
Zim: Oh god yeah.  
  
Gaz pulled her hands from the warmth of Zim's pants and pulled off his shirt over his head. She never noticed before what a nice body he had.  
  
Zim had gotten her bra undone and now was pulling off her shirt. once it was off, he kissed her, hard.  
  
Gaz slowly slid off his pants and boxers. He did the same to her.  
  
Zim: Uh, I should probably tell you, uh, this is my first, I mean, Ive never done this before.  
  
Gaz: That;s okay, it's not like we're talking quantum physics here.  
  
Zim: Oh, that's good.  
  
He slowly...*A/N Sorry to innterupt, but do I really have to describe what went on next, or can you just use your imaginations?*  
  
*about 3 hours later...*  
  
Zim had fallen alseep. Gaz, not wanting to make Dib worry or come looking for her, had gotten dressed and covered Zim with a blanket. She was on her way out, when she heard Zim's voice.  
  
Zim: That was fun.  
  
Gaz: Yeah it was.  
  
Zim: so, about the whole "being my girlfriend" thing, it wouldn't be that terrible, would it?  
  
Gaz: No, it wouldn't be terrible at all.  
  
Zim smiled sweetly.  
  
Gaz: Just don't tell Dib, okay?  
  
Zim nodded.  
  
Zim: it's our little secret. 


End file.
